Oh, God, it's been so long since I've been as content as I am right now. I know the feeling will fade, but for the next ten minutes or so, I'm going to document this.
Entourage ended (for everyone about half an hour ago, but I caught it on DVR) tonight. The ending was good, open enough for a sequel, closed enough to make me feel satisfied.
Just thinking about the ending makes me wonder how everyone got so misguided in life. Honestly, who cares about homework? Who cares about school? Video games? I'll sell my damn PS3 tomorrow if I feel like it, and I don't think it'd matter to me.
People matter.
Somehow, after thousands of years of love story after love story people still make stupid decisions that sacrifice this stuff. I was feeling so helpless, so hopeless twenty minutes ago, and now I feel so much more... well, I don't know.
There is a girl (and yes, I know, there is always a girl.) And I'm just sick of doing this, plotting and hoping, daring and thinking, dreaming and falling. Why is life always so complicated? Why can't I just be happy liking her, damned if she likes me.
I'm going to try.
We get so caught up in our day-to-day lives, stuff I can't even remember three days later. We can't just let go and be who we are, for fear of somebody finding out. What if they find out about my this, or that? Who cares?
I overthink things. I think I'm falling in love far too often. I procrastinate. I doubt whether I'm a good person. I'm a lot stupider than I seem. I'd like to be an actor, but think I lack the talent. I feel terrible about not feeling terrible more often. I don't like Harry Potter as much as I used to. I am not perfect.
And that is damn commendable.
Thanks for reading and considering,
J. Valett.
I know this isn't my usual, and it will probably look terrible to me tomorrow morning. But I honestly can't think of a single thing I care less about at the moment.
Before I read this I was on the verge of tears. Other then the fact that I had just let down so many people that look up to me (or looked up to me), that I can't even hope about the girl; I had just lost respect for myself. No pain, no physical or mental torture, nothing can equal that of losing respect for one self. And yet I had lost it.
ReplyDeleteThan I ventured here, hoping to find at least something to distract me from the state of erratic helpless inside, and I read this. And then I read it again, and then again. By the third time there were and still are tears in my eyes. I was crying not so much because I could relate exactly to what was being written; but because suddenly I realized that somewhere a person happy and content at the moment is thinking the same exact things as I, sad and distressed, am.
Normally after reading such philosophical points I would have ventured to point out the reason for several of them, but I can't when I'm feeling the exact same way.
It would require a book to relate each and every way I agree and understand everything being said. Therefore, I will limit myself by saying this.
Somehow whenever I'm in the darkness, there's always a hand that stretches out and hands me a candle. Today that hand was your's and the candle has begun to disperse the clouds of darkness.
Thank You,
For perhaps a moment that will forever be etched in my life.
Love love love this post!! There is nothing better than just being able to feel however you do and not have to worry about it. So much has been going on in my life recently, pertaining to a lot of new and different emotions. And reading this reminded me that its okay to feel this way, whatever this way may be!
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea the effect you have on people. In the end, you will be watching some girl, while some girl is watching you.
ReplyDelete